1. Arrive on-time (not earlier)And explain to your new colleagues: "People who come in early does not understand what sharp and punctual mean" What a great first impression it will leave.
2. Bring some documents from home
And slip in some magazines to read. First half of the day will be boring because they just don't know what task to assign you. They'll torture you with employees handbook and other propaganda material.
3. Don't tell people you're excited with the new job
It will cheapen your value. They should feel excited having you.
4. Don't remember names
It's just not cool. See above.
5. Identify the key characters
There will always the loved (the diligent employees) and the despised (infringed lazy bastards) seniors. Stick with the latter to make yourself feel better.
6. Don't get optimistic
If you're seeing professionalism among your new peers, remember they can't act that well for more than a day.
7. Don't do follow-ups with the admins and IT personnel
Because the sooner you get the access card/workstation/stationaries/passwords, the earlier you have to start working.
8. Don't jump the gun trying to impress people...with your talent and capabilities. Remember, the less capable they perceive you, the less work they'll assign you. You got the job already right?
9. Don't ask questions
The more you know, the less excuse you have to defend yourself once you make mistakes. Remember, it's not a question of 'if', it's 'once'.
10. Skim your boss' room
And identify his interests and achievements. That way you know which subject you can complement and praise him in your quest as an ultimate ass-kisser.
11. Show signs of poverty
Don't flaunt your wealth, convince them you're a poor guy to avoid treating your colleagues to lunch once you claim your first month's paycheck.
12. Identify other fellow newbies
And own them. It'll be handy when you go to the induction class/course - for covering your absenteeism.
13. Don't leave your desk too often
Or your seniors might steal your shiny new office equipment/furniture/supplies out of envy.
14. Check internet connectivity
Because you may not read this blog if your new company restricts internet connection. If that happens, remember iBypass. Or read this blog through your emailhere.
15. Leave on time. (Not later)
Trust me, it's the only day you can go back on time.
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